Your Boundaries Or Mine?

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Dear friends,

Hope the cold dark winter days find you warm, cozy, and safe! I find the month of December to be particularly challenging, as everyone tries to clear their to-do list before taking a break. Over the years I have tried several strategies to mitigate this year-end game of hot potato. Here are three practical ideas: (1) block off some work time pre-vacation; (2) put your auto-reply up a couple of days in advance of leaving this office; (3) set a turn-around time with your team and collaborators (e.g., any requests I receive after December 12th will be addressed in the new year.)

These strategies emanate from a commitment to your own priorities and professional mission. I recently met with an early-career researcher for the first time. This faculty member had astutely set aside time on one day of the week to meet with students, to facilitate scheduling time each week for writing. Their students had other ideas- they wanted to meet at their own convenience. This faculty member asked me, “what should I do when it seems like my students have very firm boundaries that keep me from being productive?” My response was to ask whether their students’ boundaries or their boundaries take precedence. To me, this is a real dilemma. Like this faculty member, I always want to accommodate my students, mentees, and collaborators. That said, it is not sustainable for any faculty member to build their schedule solely around the needs of others. In our meeting, we came up with a few scripts for maintaining boundaries:

  • I understand Mondays may not be convenient for you, and Monday is the only day of the week that I can take student meetings. On a one-time basis, I can change my schedule to accommodate you, with the expectation that you will meet with me on Mondays going forward. Thank you for understanding.

  • In the past, I have been happy to meet with you at times that work for your schedule. My responsibilities have changed, and I now have availability on Mondays for meetings. If that does not work for you, I am happy to think through a different mentoring plan for you.

  • I understand you prefer to meet on another day of the week. I am available to meet with you on Mondays.

We all have times when others’ schedules and preferences take precedence over our own. As we stand up intervention studies, I meet with operational leaders and front-line staff at their convenience. It goes without saying that when I meet with departmental and university leadership, I defer to them. The less of your schedule you control, the firmer your boundaries should be for the time that is under your discretion. Moreover, we cannot be rigid. If students or mentees have specific circumstances that limit their flexibility, I do my best to meet them where they are, as I am sure you do.

I hope this advice, and these scripts, empower you to hold space for your important work, as much as possible. As always, please share widely and, if you are so inclined, sign up for the blog here. Keep in touch and do share good news so I can amplify your successes!

Warmly,

Urmimala