The Cruelest Month

Illustration of a woman sitting in the flower of a large potted pant. From the flower, the woman is watering the pot with a watering can.

Image provided by iStockPhoto.com

Dear friends,

I am really grateful for all of you. Thank you for doing the work you do and for being you! I have lots that I want to tell you today.

It’s OK not to be OK. These are not normal times- why would you feel normal? Please do whatever you need to do to maintain your emotional well-being. Reach out to me if you’d like to talk or hear more about resources.

Nurture yourself. Aside from the well-trodden ideas of baking, binge-watching, and Zoom cocktail parties, you could try making some art, a new form of exercise, writing a letter to an old friend, creating and sharing a new gigantic playlist, setting aside things in your home to give away, or just look out the window. I’m glad that several of you enjoyed my book recommendation from the last post. Today I suggest you check out the audiobook version of The Books of Beginning by John Stephens. This trilogy of children’s books is an under-the-radar classic, and the narration by legendary voice actor Jim Dale (same person who narrated the Harry Potter audiobooks) is truly immersive. Send me your recommendations!

Let go of your expectations. Part of being in academia is that internal productivity meter. Now is not the time for that! My friend/colleague Dawna Ballard participated in a webinar recently about working and parenting during COVID-19 (it’s here, and you can sign up for a free 7-day trial to watch it). She reminded us that we are doing a lot of additional mental processing every day to manage this situation. This additional COVID-19/ shelter-in-place processing interferes with our ability to do intellectual work.

Focus on now. Wishing for pre-pandemic life (I miss February!) or daydreaming about browsing the bookstore (someday!) can lead to more sadness. I personally do not glean much solace from reminding myself that I am luckier than most. Instead, I try to think of something that went right in my day. Celebrating something mundane, like a tween spontaneously offering to do the dishes, makes it easier to live with this stress and uncertainty.

Take time away. Whether you are doing 8 hours a day of Zoom meetings, critical and taxing clinical work, or endless logistics for training/ leadership roles, no-one can work 24/7. It’s still OK to take a day, or a week, or as long as you need, away from your computer. Please don’t burn yourself out. We need you for the long haul!

Prioritize. When this is all over, what do you want to be able to say you accomplished during this time? For me, if we stay healthy and harmonious as a family, that’s a win. Beyond that, it would be great for the kids to stay in a positive routine and for my spouse and me to stay employed. In the setting of a worldwide pandemic, anything more is a bonus! Set the bar for yourself. What really matters?

Be present (virtually) for each other. When you send an email, add a couple of words of appreciation. If someone seems distant/ stressed, acknowledge it. One of the hardest things about working remotely is feeling invisible. I am here for each and every one of you!

Share good news! We need it more than ever. I’d love to amplify your work! I hope to have more individual shout-outs next month, keeping my fingers crossed with some excellent grant scores!

Be well and keep in touch,

Urmimala